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The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane (animated book summary) – How to Become More Charismatic

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Charisma gets people to like you, trust you
and be led by you. So what really is charisma?
It’s a set of non verbal behaviors. That’s why charisma levels fluctuate. We assume that charismatic people are magnetic
every instant of every day. The truth is they aren’t. You can actually raise or lower your charisma
at any time. Becoming more charismatic involves simple
tweaks to your behavior. It doesn’t require you to be outgoing or attractive,
or for you to change your personality and you can actually be a charismatic introvert. It’s a skill, a discipline and it takes work
and practice. One of the biggest charisma myths is
“either you have it or you don’t”. Contrary to popular belief, you’re not born
charismatic. One of the reasons charisma is mistakenly
held to be innate is that charismatic behaviors are learned early in life. In fact people don’t realize they are
learning them. They are just trying new behaviors
and refining them. Eventually, the behaviors become instinctive. Increasing your charisma involves behaviors
that project more of three core charismatic qualities: behaviors of presence, behaviors of power
and behaviors of warmth. All of them are essential for charisma, the
only thing that changes is what kind of charisma you will get depending on which of these three components is the strongest. All three are communicated mostly through
body language, which isn’t under your conscious control. So lets dive right in. Presence… This is the core of charisma and
everything else is built on this single component. Have you ever felt in the middle of a conversation,
as if only half of your mind were present while the other half was busy thinking about
something else? Do you think the other person noticed? We
may think we can fake presence, we may think we can fake listening, but the human mind
can read facial expressions in as little as 17 milliseconds and there’s a good chance
that your face reaction will be a split second delayed if your mind is somewhere else. The other person will get a feeling that something
is not quite right and this delay can even give them a feeling you’re unauthentic. But when you project presence people around
you feel respected and valued. Here is a technique to keep yourself present
in every interaction. Close your eyes and try to focus on one of
the following three things: the sounds around you, your breathing
or the sensations on your toes. That’s it. It’s that simple. Whenever you feel your mind wandering try
bringing your attention back to your toes and then you can fully re-focus
on the conversation again. If your mind happens to wander again, just
repeat the process. You could say this is a mindfulness technique. Power… can be projected through social status
and body language Imagine a gorilla whose territory has just
been invaded by a rival. He wants to intimidate the intruder on his
territory so he starts beating his chest. But why? It’s because it makes him look bigger. Taking up more space projects more power. It turns out alpha humans do the same thing. They sit on one chair, they put their arm
on the second and put their feet on the desk. Since you probably won’t have 3 chairs around
you all the time here’s something else you can try: Adapt a pose of an army general. Try it right now. Chin up and back straight. Do you feel more confident? It’s been scientifically
proven that when you adopt these poses you actually look and feel more confident, thus
projecting power. Also when you gain confidence you automatically
re-adjust your body pose yet again which creates a cycle where you gain even more confidence
and even more power. All you have to do is get the cycle going. Warmth… is simply put how much does someone
give the impression that they likes us. We perceive warmth through voice tone and
through body language – mostly your eyes. You cannot fake warmth because it’s so closely
tied to your body language and you can’t control all your body language consciously. For example:
were you aware of your eye lids flattering in front of your eyes right now? How about the weight of your tongue in your
mouth? What about the position of your feet? Have
you forgotten your eyelids again? It’s impossible to micro manage your body language and sooner
or later you will slip. So the trick to warmth is to get your internal
state right and the body language will follow. How do you think the actors do it? They get
so into character that they believe they ARE the character so they don’t have to micro
manage. Here’s how you can use this information to
your advantage. This technique is called rewriting reality: Let’s say you’re driving to the most
important meeting in your life, you’re in a good mood and you’re well prepared for the
meeting. Suddenly a reckless driver cuts you off and
nearly crashes in to you. You hit the breaks and stop in your tracks,
probably angry and in a bad mood, right before the meeting. You know you must get in to your charismatic
state, but you only got a few minutes. What if through pure coincidence you were
to learn that that idiotic reckless driver was actually a mother, whose baby was choking
in the back seat and she was just trying to save the baby’s life. Would that immediately lift your anger? In
most cases in life you will never find out if it was reckless driver or a distressed
mother. So you’re better off choosing whichever reality
puts you in the most useful mental state. Hopefully you got a better idea on how to
achieve charisma now. But not all charisma is the same. Olivia actually narrows it down to four charisma
styles you can achieve depending on which of the three components is the strongest. They are: focus charisma, visionary charisma,
kindness charisma and authority charisma Focus charisma is achieved primarily through
presence and good listening and makes people feel heard, understood and respected. Visionary charisma requires bold vision that
is delivered with complete conviction. It inspires people to believe in and want to
be a part of this vision. Kindness charisma primarily involves warmth
and acceptance and creates emotional connection. Authority charisma is achieved through the
projection of power and status and leads people to listen and obey. You can alternate among
different charisma styles or even blend them together. To decide which charisma style to use, consider
your personality your goals and the specific situation at hand. I hope you learned something new today and
if you enjoyed the video please hit the like button. And if you want to see more videos
like this make sure to subscribe. And as always don’t forget to be better than yesterday.

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15 thoughts on “The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane (animated book summary) – How to Become More Charismatic”

  1. Faraz Khan says:

    reddit brought me here
    love your work

  2. Better Than Yesterday says:

    If you enjoyed the video, you should check out the book for yourself. It goes in much greater detail. 🙂

    EU: http://amzn.to/2lxOiMs
    US: http://amzn.to/2mcpY6K

  3. TheShaunSwanson says:

    Hey, phenomenal work! I have heard about that book for awhile but I will probably check it out.

  4. Jason Pham says:

    Thank you for the video. Best animated version of this book.

  5. Mada Sarbu says:

    Great video ! You should check out the The Art of Charm Podcast, episode where Olivia Fox Cabane was invited together with Judah Pollack, to speak about their new book: The Net and the Butterfly: The Art and Practice of Breakthrough Thinking. It is AWESOME!

  6. Aina Michaella Licodine says:

    finally, practical tips! good job

  7. Jackknifegyp says:

    Ms Cabane, your references to a rapist, an abuser of power, and impeached lying smegma of a human, bill clinton, is odious, fraught with political undertone, and in this reader, demeans you and your message. 
    Shame on you for finding this excuse of a man, this weasel as your model for a charismatic.

  8. NystektVaffel says:

    Wow! I'll share this right away to my friend that i'm coaching:3 So glad i subbed to you!

  9. Puteri Humairah says:

    The voice was so cool

  10. Sotanta Phat says:

    do more videos about Charisma, please!

  11. Ali Abdel Naeem says:

    I had red this book,impresive book

  12. Bhargavi Murali says:

    Good content, but don't put background music, it is very distracting and reduces effectiveness of communication as it induces noise into the channel. I love the research done.

  13. Marina says:

    You couldn't find anyone who speaks better English?

  14. John Cronin says:

    Scientifically proven!?
    It's ashame the way this is term is totally abused as back up for every opinion.

  15. Jessica Raven says:

    time to put more points into my charisma score.

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