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Stephen Bites Into The Juicy New Trump Book

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( LAUGHTER )
NOW GRAYSON HAS MOVED FURTHER OFF THE EAST COAST THAN
EXPECTED, POSSIBLY BECAUSE IT DIDN’T WANT TO COMPETE WITH THE
( BLEEP ) STORM IN WASHINGTON D.C., THANKS TO ALL THE JUICY
REVELATIONS IN THE NEW BOOK ABOUT THE TRUMP PRESIDENCY,
“FIRE AND FURY.” NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH
OMAROSA’S NEW BOOK, “FIRED AND FURIOUS.” ( LAUGHTER )
( PIANO RIFF ) SHE’S MAD. NOT HAPPY. YESTERDAY, WE GOT PRIMO POOP
FROM FORMER WHITE HOUSE CHIEF STRATEGIST AND EXPIRED HAMBURGER
MEAT THAT WISHED TO BE A REAL BOY, STEVE BANNON. REMEMBER THAT MEETING AT TRUMP
TOWER BETWEEN JARED, MANAFORT, DON JR. AND THAT RUSSIAN LAWYER? THEY DON’T. BUT BANNON DOES. AND HE SAYS, IT WAS TREASONOUS. ( AUDIENCE OOHING )
OH, NO, I AGREE WITH STEVE BANNON! THAT OLD GYPSY WAS RIGHT. AND REMEMBER, TRUMP DENIED ANY
KNOWLEDGE OF THIS RUSSIA MEETING BUT BANNON SAID, “THE CHANCE
THAT DON JR. DID NOT WALK THESE JUMOS UP TO HIS FATHER’S OFFICE
OF THE 26 FLOOR IS ZERO.” WHICH IS SAME CHANCE THAT
THERE’S A WORD “JUMO.” ( LAUGHTER )
I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS. YOU GUYS EVER HEARD OF JUMO?>>Jon: NO.>>Stephen: I THINK IT MIGHT
BE SPANISH FOR “MAGA!”>>Jon: I DON’T KNOW WHAT JUMO
IS.>>Stephen: THIS MADE TRUMP
LOSE HIS… LET’S SAY, MIND. HE FIRED A VICIOUS STATEMENT
CLAIMING BANNON HAD “NOTHING TO DO WITH ME OR MY PRESIDENCY.” AGAIN, THAT’S BANNON, SEEN HERE
WITH TRUMP IN THE OVAL OFFICE, HAVING NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM. “THAT DOESN’T PROVE ANYTHING. I WAS JUST RENTING HIM SPACE IN
THE WHITE HOUSE FOR HIS POP-UP HALLOWEEN STORE. HE DOESN’T HAVE ANY INFLUENCE
OVER ME. OTHER THAN BEING MY CHIEF
POLITICAL STRATEGIST AND CONVINCING ME TO SUPPORT AN
ACCUSED CHILD MOLESTER.” FOR SENATE. ( LAUGHTER )
OF COURSE, THE WHITE HOUSE HAS CALLED EVERYTHING IN THE BOOK A
LIE, BUT YESTERDAY TRUMP’S LAWYER SENT BANNON A CEASE AND
DESIST LETTER, AND ACCUSED HIM OF “VIOLATING AN AGREEMENT THAT
PREVENTED HIM FROM DISCLOSING CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION.” WHICH IS IT? IS HE LYING, OR DISCLOSING
CONFIDENTIAL INFORMATION? “STEVE, YOU PROMISED YOU’D NEVER
TELL ANYONE ABOUT THOSE TERRIBLE THINGS YOU SAW ME NOT DO.” ( LAUGHTER )
REMEMBER? AND BANNON CAUGHT HOLY HELL FROM
HIS OWN SUPPORTERS. IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, CANDIDATES
HE ENDORSED ABANDONED HIM, HE LOST HIS BIGGEST BILLIONAIRE
DONOR, EVEN THE ALT-RIGHT IS TURNING ITS BACK ON STEVE
BANNON. IT’S TRUE. THEY’RE SO EMBARRASSED OF HIM
THAT A LOT OF THE ALT-RIGHT HAS STARTED COVERING THEIR FACES
WITH HOODS. ( LAUGHTER )
>>Jon: WHOA!>>Stephen: YEAH, THEY DON’T
WANT TO BE SEEN. TURN OUT THE LIGHTS, WALKING
AROUND WITH TORCHES. THEY’RE JUST SO EMBARRASSED. ( PIANO RIFF )
NOW, REMEMBER, MITCH McCONNELL AND BANNON HAVE BEEN BUTTING
HEADS, WITH BANNON CLAIMING HE WAS GOING TO TAKE MCCONNELL
DOWN. THIS YEAR. WELL, YESTERDAY, ON HIS TWITTER
FEED, MCCONNELL PROVED HE WAS HAVING THE LAST LAUGH, OR AT
LEAST THE LAST CREEPY SMILE. ( LAUGHTER )
THAT’S EITHER PURE SCHADENFREUD, OR SOMEONE’S FEEDING A TURTLE. HERE COMES THE LETTUCE. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
OF COURSE, IT’S NOT JUST BANNON. THIS BOOK IS LOADED WITH THE
DISH, INCLUDING DETAILS OF DONALD AND
MELANIA’S BEDROOM HABITS. DON’T CHANGE CHANNELS! IT’S NOT WHAT YOU DON’T WANT TO
THINK. IT TURNS OUT THAT THE PRESIDENT
AND THE FIRST LADY HAVE SEPARATE BEDROOMS, THE FIRST “FIRST
COUPLE” TO DO SO SINCE JOHN AND JACKIE KENNEDY. MEANING DONALD TRUMP HAS HAD
JUST AS MUCH SEX AS J.F.K. HAS HAD IN THE PAST YEAR. ( LAUGHTER )
BUT IF YOU’RE CONCERNED THAT THE PRESIDENT MIGHT HAVE A MISTRESS,
DON’T WORRY. APPARENTLY, EVERY NIGHT, “IF
TRUMP WAS NOT HAVING HIS 6:30 DINNER WITH STEVE BANNON, HE WAS
IN BED BY THAT TIME WITH A CHEESEBURGER.” ( LAUGHTER )
I’M GOING TO HOPE, EATING IT. ( LAUGHTER )
( PIANO RIFF ) MMM, MMM, I LOVE YOU, HAMBURGER. WHAT’S THAT? ( LAUGHTER )
AHHH! ( LAUGHTER )
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) WHAT?! HE’S JUST LICKING OFF THE
SPECIAL SAUCE! ( AUDIENCE REACTS )
>>Jon: OH!>>Stephen: HEY, GET YOUR MIND
OUT OF THE DRIVE-THROUGH. NOW, BELIEVE IT OR NOT — AND
THIS WILL SHOCK SOME OF YOU — THE GUY WHO EATS McDONALD’S IN
BED TENDS TO MAKE A MESS. STAFF WERE INSTRUCTED TO NOT
CLEAN UP AFTER TRUMP, WHO SAID, “IF MY SHIRT IS ON THE FLOOR,
IT’S BECAUSE I WANT IT ON THE FLOOR.” “DON’T TOUCH MY FLOOR-SHIRTS. THERE MIGHT BE SOME LEFTOVER
CHEESEBURGER IN THERE.” ( LAUGHTER )
SO HOW DID THE AUTHOR OF THIS BOOK, JOURNALIST MICHAEL WOLFF,
GET SUCH ACCESS? FROM THE PRESIDENT HIMSELF. WOLFF SAYS, “AFTER THE ELECTION,
I PROPOSED TO TRUMP THAT I COME TO THE WHITE HOUSE AND REPORT AN
INSIDE STORY FOR LATER PUBLICATION. JOURNALISTICALLY, AS A FLY ON
THE WALL, I’D LIKE TO JUST WATCH AND WRITE A BOOK. ‘A BOOK?’ HE RESPONDED, LOSING
INTEREST. ‘I HEAR A LOT OF PEOPLE WANT TO
WRITE BOOKS.'” “I WROTE ONE JUST THE OTHER DAY,
MAYBE YOU’VE HEARD OF IT? IT’S CALLED “MAD LIBS” AND IT’S
ABOUT A BUMPY CLOWN GOING TO A SLIMY WEDDING. PRETTY SPOOKY STUFF. TODAY IN THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS
BRIEFING, EVERYONE WAS EAGER TO HEAR THE WHITE HOUSE RESPONSE TO
THIS BOOK, BUT FIRST THERE WAS A VERY SPECIAL EPISODE OF THE
HUCKASANDERS PROPAGANDA VARIETY HOUR.>>WE HAVE A MESSAGE FROM A
SPECIAL GUEST THAT I’D LIKE TO SHARE WITH YOU. I’LL ASK YOU TO TUNE IN TO THE
SCREENS, AND THEN I’LL CONTINUE FROM THERE.>>THANK YOU FOR BEING WITH US
TODAY.>>STEPHEN: HE’S APPEARING ON
VIDEO EVEN THOUGH HE’S 50 FEET DOWN THE HALLWAY. I HAVE A MESSAGE FOR THE WHITE
HOUSE PRESS CORPS — THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE
THE HOUSE! GET OUT OF THERE! ( LAUGHTER )
GET OUT! ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
I’M DIZZY FROM THE STUPID. ( LAUGHTER )
AND IT CONTINUED WITH TRUMP PLAYING ON TWO SCREENS BEHIND
HER. ISN’T IT BAD ENOUGH THAT WE HAVE
TO WATCH THIS GUY ON TV? WHY DO WE HAVE TO WATCH HIM ON
TV ON TVS? IT’S DICTATOR BEHAVIOR. BUT IF YOU’RE GOING TO DO IT, AT
LEAST USE IT TO GIVE SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS’ ANSWERS SOME
CONTEXT.>>THE PRESIDENT’S ECONOMIC
AGENDA OF LOWER TAXES, LESS REGULATION AND MORE OPPORTUNITY
FOR ALL IS ALREADY PAYING OFF, AND AMERICAN FAMILIES AND
WORKERS ARE THE BIG WINNERS. WITH THAT IN MIND, WE HAVE A
MESSAGE FROM A SPECIAL GUEST THAT I’D LIKE TO SHARE WITH YOU.>>THESE ARE ALL LIES. WE SAY LIE. LIE. LIE. LIE. LIE. LIE!>>THANK YOU, MR. PRESIDENT.>>STEPHEN: WE’VE GOT A GREAT
SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. CURTIS “50 CENT” JACKSON IS
HERE, BUT WHEN WE COME BACK , MARIJUANA! STICK AROUND!

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8 thoughts on “Stephen Bites Into The Juicy New Trump Book”

  1. Alun Churcher says:

    if tv viewers really want to know how bad don the con can get the news needs to not report anything about him for a few days, he certainly would not like that. as he likes to here and see himself on tv. he would force the news to report about him by doing something even worse than current fk show.

  2. destroyer806 says:

    Hey so one year later. Guess what? The book is completely false. He also wrote a new one called Siege. It was also all fake information. Robert Mueller denied it. This clown was making up things as he goes.

  3. Keith Patrick says:

    Bannon wasn't saying "jumos"; he was saying "jamokes".

  4. Mark S says:

    Did it taste like SHIT Steven?
    Should have that's what it's full of.

  5. Peggy Franzen says:

    Donald Trump's ' Gioconda' smile.No, I wonder what really happened to our great Republic, and, respect for the US citizens under our constitution. Donald Trump, and, our present congress are elected government officials to up hold the laws by the former.So, what happened?

  6. Trans am 2 pontiac says:

    STEPHEN CRIES ABOUT TRUMP

  7. Elle Woods says:

    Eww that gif is so creepy… who does that

  8. William Robles says:

    She lies

  9. Andy Macedo says:

    Y'all advertisers don't need to put anyone there ! I'd rather be alone !

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