“If a Thought Hurts, Question It”—”A Mind at Home with Itself” Book Club (3)


– Okay. – Hi everyone, it’s Martha Beck. Back with you again
here with the wonderful, inimitable Byron Katie
who has just written this astonishing book. Today we’re talking about chapter three and if you haven’t caught
chapters one or two let me explain that there
are these beautiful quotes taken from each chapter at the end. And I’ve just been discussing
some of them with Katie because if you think you know
the work and you know her and you’ve heard everything
there is to hear, I promise you this book
will still rock your mind and it’s rocking mine. And so I have a chance to
ask her about it for us. So this is chapter three and the wonderful quote here is, and if I had known this
as a depressed teenager as a, somebody who flirted with suicide and just was waiting for the end, would have changed everything. And when I learned it,
it did change everything but it’s such a dramatic statement. The only important thing to know is this, are you waiting because
this is actually true in my experience. If a thought hurts, question it. So why that, for somebody who hasn’t, who’s not familiar with this. We’re taught, I think therefore I am. My thoughts are everything. Why would I question my thoughts? Say more about why it’s the only important thing to know, really. – Well if I am my thoughts
and my thoughts say something really mean
about me, then I am that if I’m believing it. And that affects all of my relationships, my life, whether I’m confident or not. Even showing up for a job or school. And this is an ageless thing. As a child all the way up. But if I understand how to
question those thoughts, they’re not necessarily true
so I can question thoughts and this Mind at Home With Itself, it shows us how to do that and it shows us the
mind, the questioned mind that is on the other side
of that and still expanding. Mind is an infinite experience
until it gets stuck. For example, if I have the thought, I don’t like me or I hate me. That was popular with me at one time. – Oh you too? I thought that was mine. – If I believe that,
I’m in a torture chamber because the mind’s job is to follow with everything it takes to
convince me that it’s true, that I’m a terrible person,
there’s something wrong with me. So to question, just to stop that by writing it down on
paper and questioning it, your entire identity shifts. It’s that simple. That’s what people call
waking up to reality. It’s what they refer
to when they talk about the enlightened mind. The enlightened mind is a free mind that doesn’t get stuck
in concepts like that. Like these, as you described. Flirting with suicide. – We had a few dates. – Yeah, you did. You know we all have a right to that. We can find a book like this and find and eventually experience our
own mind at home with itself. – What’s interesting about this to me is that when I first
started reading your work I wasn’t aware that the
things that were tormenting me in my mind were thoughts. It’s like not being able to
see the color of your own eyes without a mirror. The way the mind sees is
through its thought structures. And so I absorbed things like
say the inferiority of women. That was sort of part of the
culture in which I grew up. I didn’t think that it was a thought. I just thought it was reality, that I was a second
class citizen from birth. And so to say that the
only important thing is if a thought hurts question it, if anything hurt, if anything hurts. This is what I’ve learned
from you, going to your nine day school, reading your
other work, reading this, if something hurts and
I don’t know what it is, there’s a thought in there. – That’s right. And we try to change what
it is and we overlook what we’re believing about what is that takes us into these journeys that so often are a dead end,
for decades for some of us. – Yeah and you don’t realize it. Part of what I do is I sit
with people who are in pain and I say what hurts. And there’s this river
of words that comes out about how the world is
terrible or they’re terrible or their family is terrible, whatever. – Misunderstood. – Yeah, whatever it is, we all have our own monologue
– Unappreciated. And we actually, before
the question arises, we actually just think that’s reality. That that is truth. So they say that a man with one watch always knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure. If you only have one stream of thought and you’ve never questioned it, it is reality and it will
drive you to despair. It did me, it did you. – That’s our reality. It’s not reality, it’s our reality and that is, there’s a big difference. – Yeah and once, and you had this experience
of being absolutely in the agony of thought and then waking up able to watch thought from a distance so there was the possibility
of questioning it. It wasn’t a reality, it
was a thought stream. Like a movie. – Yeah. – And a movie, you can
either be overwhelmed by or you can say well is
it really reflecting, is it real? – Yeah is the thought, what I’m thinking and
believing, is it true? And then we can just write
down what we’re thinking and believing and question it and it’s all here. Hopefully it’s all here in this new book and I’ve done everything
to support people out there that suffered the way that I suffered and the way you suffered in life. – Free website, work is always available. What this book does, it is so exciting no matter whether you’ve
encountered Katie before or not, is it shows you what happens
when you actually apply that rigor. If you say, is what I’m thinking true, it’s just an integrity,
it’s an act of integrity and what happens when you release yourself from the prison of
thought is that the mind comes home to itself. And this book is so rich and mind blowing in showing you the joy and the richness and the love and the intimacy
that becomes possible when the mind is not held as reality. It goes, your mind goes everywhere. There’s no ego in that. Your mind goes everywhere we didn’t see. – And what’s so beautiful about
the mind going everywhere, some people, every minds go everywhere, but a free mind, not only
does it go everywhere, it understands its true
nature so it’s not afraid of where the mind goes. It’s excited about following
it because rather than in creating pain, it’s creative and wisdom is freed just to rule in it which it does. And any mind believing
against that wisdom, wisdom is another name for love. Anything that would, anything you think would think against it, you’re gonna feel that
rub or that depression or that mindset, that meanness. – Yeah, and this gives
me as I practice the work and try to get ready to
question the thoughts that hurt because they still come
up, this book shows me in such convincing way because
it’s a true experienced account of a real thing, what is available to us
once we are free from fear, free from threat, free
from everything that defaults thoughts bring into it. – And we’re doing how many chapters? – 32. – We’re doing 32 chapters
so if you don’t enjoy this please stop, you know, stop us. Email us, let us know. – For God’s sake, will you be quiet. – And if there’s something
more you want us to address that’s good too, right? – Absolutely. – All right. We want you all to be able
to experience what it’s like to rest in one’s own mind. – Thank you so much. See you soon.
– Bye bye.

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24 thoughts on ““If a Thought Hurts, Question It”—”A Mind at Home with Itself” Book Club (3)”

  1. Telmo Martins says:

    You look wonderful together!

  2. an angel's kiss in spring ღღ says:

    Thank you very much for sharing this!
    Have a nice day, dear Byron and Martha.
    much love to you from Rome ♥️

  3. christopher mehling says:

    no don't stop!! excellent communications happening here!……….c

  4. Chris Casady says:

    At 4:00 Martha brings up the most salient point for me. How do you step out of it when you're so mired in it, you can't even see that it's a thought yet. It seems like it's reality and you are convinced of it. That's a horrible place and dare I say most of us live there.

  5. Iris Huey says:

    Yes! I like these discussions. I was excited to see you two together doing this. Please keep them coming.

  6. Poonam Dronamraju says:

    Eternally grateful to Byron Katie for her selfless giving. I have always loved Oprah’s Webcast on Eckhart Tolle’s book A New Earth. I just bought the audio book looking forward to following up the Chapters with these session. A huge big thanks Katie and Martha Beck. Infinite blessings! ✨🙏🏽☮️🦋☮️🙏🏽✨

  7. Laurie Thiboutot says:

    WONDERFUL Katie and Martha! I went to the School in March 2014 and the changes I have experienced along with learning about Non Duality has brought "me" to "my" true nature… Thank you Thank You Thank you for all you are contributing to this world! <3

  8. Cheryl Ruhr says:

    Just this week I was having a lot of trouble with my thoughts. I was getting caught up in feeling incompetent, ignored, insignificant on and on. And then I remembered The Work. I printed out a pdf of the work and the turnarounds and I folded it up and put it in my pocket and when I heard the thoughts I touched the folded paper and questioned. Although i did not have time to sit down and write and do the meditation, it helped so much. I respect you both and enjoyed this convo. You don't even know!

  9. Camille Williams says:

    Please keep going! 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽❤️❤️❤️

  10. Mrs.Bubba Bubba says:

    Beautiful! Thank-you for this.

  11. Marie-Josée Parent says:

    Please, please, please continue ! I am looking forward for all the 32 chapters. May I be well for all of us. Thank you for mirroring my true '"self''.

  12. Nancy Raines says:

    Keep going. But I have an idea. What has been outstanding for my growth with Katie's work has been watching her help people, whether at workshops or online. I have had so many aha moments watching other people go through the process. Could she do that once on this series? Thank you so much for all of this!

  13. Sherry Sielepkowski says:

    I'm enjoying these very much! Thank you for doing them!!

  14. Eric Miller says:

    How is this different from just considering multiple points of view when trying to figure out why something has happened? Don't most adults do this as a matter of course? I'm not seeing the insight here – it sounds quite normal for anyone who is more or less rational and sane.

  15. Rita Have Larsen says:

    Right on Martha, if anything hurts there's a thought in there – this is often the most difficult part, I think, to find the deeply underlying thought ….

  16. Nicole Simone Alexander says:

    Loving these videos – please keep going with all 32

  17. juliorosq says:

    Please, don't stop

  18. Twilightsummerbreeze says:


  19. ajits64 says:

    thoroughly enjoying the series. please don't stop. looking forward to watching all 32 epidodes!

  20. Alisa Makedonskaya says:


  21. briananthony burleigh says:

    Well explained…. thanks

  22. BJ Davis says:

    I recently bought this book for a friend that suffers from PTSD -Manic Depression and Alcoholism ….he shares that his thoughts hurt him all the time. I'm deeply moved with compassion watching him "not question his thoughts, because now his thoughts not only tell him that they are true but that they will cause him more pain if he does question them."..or so he thinks. what a deep hole to fall into. Byron, your book Loving What Is change my life and led me twenty years later to help the world "rethink leadership." big love my friend, BJ Davis

  23. Sunny Wakefield says:


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