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Future’s Baby Mamas Are Unionizing & Erotic White Woman Book Club | DESUS & MERO | SHOWTIME

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[MUSIC PLAYING] DESUS: What’s shaking, y’all? Yeah! What’s popping? I look like I’m in the Bronx
Wizard of Oz or some shit. I’m a scarecrow, like, ah. It’s called fashion, y’all. Yo, we got to walk down Golden
Road and East Tremont and shit, to get to the Wizard of Oz. (SINGING) Ease on down,
ease on down the road. Yerr Yur. Fucking Toto is a pit bull. It’s like, yo. Who would Dorothy be? Cardi B. Cardi B. Duh. Layup. JULIA: [INAUDIBLE] in it? Cardi B would be Dorothy. I guess the Tin Man
would be Cory Booker? I don’t know. Anne Coulter would be the
Wicked Witch of the West. DESUS: Yeah. Anne Coulter would be the
Wicked Witch of the West. The house falls on her
in the beginning, right? JULIA: Yeah, yeah.
DESUS: Yeah. – So yeah.
– Yeah. The lion? Who would be the lion?
– Shit. Uh–
JULIA: Is that you? Are you– DJ Envy? (SINGING) Envy– Envy– Envy–
– Woo. DESUS: (SINGING)
Envy, Envy, Envy. Hey, man.
Listen, man. Next time I see that dude,
man, if he disrespect me, man, we going to
have some words. That was Gucci Mane, in
case you were wondering. All right. All right. Yeah. No, he got the
new teeth though. JULIA: Yeah. Yeah, they add a
little extra “ish.” Let’s not veneer
shame, because, listen, it’s not far off for us. It’s coming for me, baby. It’s coming. We going to come with the
big Kid Cudi teeth, like hey. I’m coming with the
Noreaga teeth, like, yo, yo, what’s the good son yo. Both, yeah. On a payment plan,
so top and then bottom. On the Rudy Giuliani plan. DESUS: Yeah. Uh, no. I had grills,
and I lost them– –in an unfortunate accident. Well, I was sitting
around my homeboy’s crib– shout to Jimmy– and we just got super high. And one of my boys just
rolled up a paper towel and wet it and threw it at
one of my other friends, so then we just started throwing
wet paper towels at each other. But I forgot that every
time I smoke weed, I would take my grill out,
wrap it in a paper towel, and put it to the
side, like, yo, I’m not going to disrespect– Why y’all– y’all was
“aw”-ing like a puppy died. What the fuck? But you understand– you
know how that feels, bro, when you from the
hood and you put $250 on some grills and shit. You know what I’m saying? Like, yo, my man
lost his grill. This shit is hard! Yo, rest in peace, his grill. You know what I’m saying? You lose some jewelry? So shit gets thrown
around, and then the shit ended up
in the garbage, but I was so high that I was
just like, yo, you know what? Fuck it. I’m going to just sell
another ounce of weed, then– That’s the second-most
tragic Bronx story. You know what I’m saying? Only thing sadder than
that is Big Pun dying. Facts. I tell that shit at
every funeral I go to. Yeah, rest in
peace to my grills. Maybe not one. I’d do grills again. JULIA: Yeah. Yeah, but Heather’s
like, you’re fucking– you’re a grown man. You’re a 36-year-old father. And I was just like, OK,
so what does that have to do with my teeth aesthetics? Hell no. Oh, there ain’t
nothing more to that. Nah, I go to the
dentist too much. That’s just, like,
what are you doing? I can barely keep my teeth
as it is, now I’m going to throw grills on the shit. Also, if you get grills,
you can have stink breath. That’s the thing, you’ve
got to be really mindful. When you have grills, you
really got to be mindful. I used to have little
thing of Listerine that I would swish
around all the time to get under the
grills and everything. Nah, niggas that got grills
don’t be carrying Listerine. I know niggas that grills. Them niggas got the
stink breath for days. Look at all those pictures
of the Wu-Tang Clan when they all had grills. All them niggas breath stink. Yeah. You could tell that shit. Because there was no
self care involved there. You know what I’m saying? If your mouth smells like a– you feel me? If your mouth smells
like a Coinstar, you’re doing it wrong. My shit was fresh
mint all the time. And I brushed the
shit with toothpaste. I would put the– it’s like hood Invisalign. Hot goss, hot goss,
hot goss, hot goss. No, let’s do– I’m down for any type of goss. Any goss. We just messy. Oh, yeah. Which one? There’s eight? Damn! Shout to him. I stand with– Wow. –local, what, fucking 2– what’s the latest area code. Just take the test. Take the test. Woo. What’s that say, “You Deadbeat”? Goddamn. That’s going to be the
name of his next mixtape. Yeah. 1000% He still hit though. (RAPPING) I’m a deadbeat,
but I still hit that. Legend Airy. DESUS: Yeah, that’s his kid. That’s his kid. Like, two– like, separate? Legend Airy, wow. Like, Legend Airy? Damn. You know the wildest part? There’s definitely going
to be a 9th baby mama. MERO: That’s wild. DESUS: Could be one of y’all. MERO: Yeah. – Like, watch out.
– One of y’all is– You just going to wake
up one day like, oh, shit. Oh, what the fuck? Is that too many kids? Wait, he has eight kids
from eight different women? If he has a kid– So it’s like a hobby for him. How many kids does he
have in total, altogether? And none of them
are named Molly? It sounds like a
track listing, dog. And Ciara was one of them. Wow. Wow. Shout to King Future. Right? Yo. Every now, you
just want to hear a little toxic masculinity,
like, yeah, my guy. Russell Wilson’s like
your name is Russell. That Future shit is stupid. You’re not going to get
into any good schools. Hell no.
He’s huge. He’s 5′ 7″. He’s, like– how tall is he? He’s pretty tall and stocky. He’s also a Yankee fan, so no. Can’t disrespect him. Oh, that’s right. He’s a Yankee prospect, so,
yo, salute to Russell Wilson. He was at all the Yankee
games that they lost. OK, so wait. Y’all cry for him
losing a grill. Motherfucking Yankees lose,
and y’all are just like, suck it up? Fuck y’all. I hope y’all all fall
down the Joker stairs. They’re like,
yo, I live there, you know what I’m saying? So there’s a high probability
that might happen. – No.
– No. They don’t salt it.
They don’t shovel. They don’t do shit to them. Did you just ask if they
salt stairs in the Bronx? Yo, they don’t even shovel
the roads in the Bronx. That’s why we’re
always wearing Tims. You just got to get a sled
to go down this motherfucker. All right? When it snows in the Bronx, the
city be like, oh, be safe, yo. Where the Bronx people? Where’s the Bronx people at?
Make some noise. DESUS: Yeah. You already know the stairs,
all the stairs, the stairs that go all the way down to 225th
and the motherfucking Kings Bridge hill, all that shit. No, get a sled,
because that shit is not going to get salted. No. No. They don’t even
shovel the steps by the white people
in Riverdale, so they don’t give a shit.
– They don’t give a fuck. They’re like, you do
it your self, Saul. But, technically, the
white people in Riverdale don’t claim the Bronx. They say they’re in Riverdale. That’s not how it
works, sweetie. Dr. Seuss was the
mayor of Riverdale. Yeah, I used to
work in a library, and when you would
enter people’s library card applications, there’s only
three options for the burrows. It was Bronx, Brooklyn,
or Queens, ’cause that’s different library systems. They’re putting, like, other. And they’d be like,
please put in Riverdale. And that was the biggest thrill
of my life, to just tell them, you have to put Bronx. OK? BX all day. You know what it is. You’re one of us. No, I was a clerk,
and I was a page, and then I went on
to be a computer programmer at the Science,
Industry and Business Library. But yeah, never a
librarian though. I’ve had every fucking
job in New York City. No, no, no. You have to have a master’s
degree in library science to be a librarian. If not, you can be an
information assistant, which is a different position. I know this library shit, dog. Huh? No, I haven’t been to
a library in years. Can’t be reading. That shit is whack. I’m kidding, kids.
Read. Reading is fundamental.
– Yo. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Open some books, my guy. No, please, stop. Read books, y’all, please. Read books, kids. Start right now. After this show’s over,
read whatever the fuck– “Captain Underpants,”
I don’t care. Read a motherfucking book, dog. Go to your local
Barnes & Nobles and pick up “The
48 Laws of Power.” You know what I’m saying? Get your mind right. No. “Rich Dad, Poor Dad,”
you know what I’m saying? Because you think club,
you think, like, turning up, hookah and shit. Book clubs are not that. Unless you’re a white woman. Then that shit is
a turn-up, 1000%. Like, book? I didn’t even read the book. Where’s the Malbec? Ah! Like, yo, come on. I know very well what
book club is like. Y’all come back from book
club acting real spicy. Wow. What was the last book you read? “Three Women”? Shut the fuck up. Are you serious? Is there, like,
a book club network that y’all read the same book? Yes! I know. I know. Is it, like, erotic
erotic, or, like, whack “50 Shades of Grey” erotic? Are they using
vulgarity in it, or– Like what? Do they say, like,
pussy and shit? Yeah? You have the book on you? Yo, Alex, what’s
going on, my guy? What’s up, B? Imagine you on a
train next to him, and he’s reading it on Kindle. I’m calling the cops. Po-lice! Help! Po-lice! DESUS: Wow Wow! Yo, Alex on the L
with a wild chub. Like, yo, excuse me! Excuse me! Ma’am, I’m sorry. Move your backpack! Please stand clear
of the rising cock. Yo! Listen, we got to– I don’t know. We got to provide him
Ubers home or something. Is it OK to jerk
off in this Uber? Yes. I want special treatment,
that’s why I order Uber Black. All right. Let’s start this
motherfucking show. [MUSIC PLAYING]

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100 thoughts on “Future’s Baby Mamas Are Unionizing & Erotic White Woman Book Club | DESUS & MERO | SHOWTIME”

  1. des8893 says:

    Thumbs up for Julia.

  2. D I says:

    White women book club is lit

  3. Genie Perez says:

    Might as well put the lady on camera at this point ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿฝโ€โ™€๏ธ

  4. Alaa Ali says:

    Leave my man Cudi and his veneers alone ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ

  5. k. c. says:

    Yoooo.. he said โ€œDJ Envyโ€ ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ!!! Letโ€™s ignite the 100 year war ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿผ!!

  6. Cory Mck says:

    "they're unionizing"
    When I tell you I lost my breath

  7. Delancy Leek says:

    ๐Ÿ˜ณ Envy Beige Rage is slowly forming.

  8. Vincent Sharkey says:

    Yo the book club shit at the end had me in tears!

  9. Tony ThePokemonGuy says:

    That coin star comment ๐Ÿคฃ

  10. Lux Di Luna says:

    Does everyone lose their grills that same way? I just watch young ma on ga saying that how she lost 10 of hers.

  11. inSherlock says:

    He said you have to have a
    Me: Master's Degree in Library Science ๐Ÿ™„. Yeah I Know. ๐Ÿ˜‘

  12. Axel Holy says:

    feel like Desus vibe toward Mero has been changing up ?

  13. inSherlock says:

    Where's my fan fic community at?! We be reading Wild shit. ๐Ÿ˜†๐Ÿ‘

  14. kiki F says:

    Desus is looking so good

  15. Tamara Coleman says:

    When Alex said, โ€œI get horned up…โ€ ๐Ÿ’€๐Ÿ’€

  16. PaperxMario says:

    the same jokes over and over

  17. tc g says:

    Only black men will think being a deadbeat is funny…yall gotta hold each other accountable

  18. jordan solages says:

    Mero got that Seth Rogan laugh ๐Ÿ˜‚ ๐Ÿ˜‚

  19. KMO 325 says:

    Certain times, these warm-up videos be better than the episode. Only the Bodega Boys can perfectly segue from Future's Baby Mamas to white women book clubs without missing a beat.

  20. JahAmericanNY says:

    Envy ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ ๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿฆ๐Ÿฆ

  21. Boring Brandon says:

    Idk how the crowd remains so calm I would be in there CACKLING

  22. JahAmericanNY says:

    Desus a true ๐Ÿ‡ฏ๐Ÿ‡ฒ yardy, he got 50+ jobs

  23. Jazz Juarez says:

    I would so rather be in a book club that reads something like three women than to kill a mockingbird…granted I hate to kill a mockingbird with a burning passion but that's not the point.

  24. J.r. Chuculate says:

    โ€œBecause I get horned up.โ€

  25. Boring Brandon says:

    I hope they did a video on DJ Envy

  26. Illustrious Guest says:

    Is it bad that I thought Mero lost his grill by eating ass? ๐Ÿคฎ๐Ÿคฃ

  27. Tanya K Borden says:

    Yeah M.A. said NEVER wrap U'r "grills" in a #napkin /paper toilet๐Ÿค”๐Ÿ˜•๐Ÿ˜’

  28. Tanya K Borden says:

    Talk that Library shhhhhhht๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿพโ€๐ŸŽ“๐Ÿ‘จ๐Ÿพโ€๐Ÿซ

  29. bettyreads says:

    "Read books y'all. Read a motherfuckin' book." Lmaoo best.

  30. GantzIsSloppy says:

    they couldn't even get a full minute into the clip without bashing Envy๐Ÿ˜‚

  31. Sacha Severov says:

    D&M make me hate myself for not being from NYC

  32. Irv P says:

    ๐Ÿคฃโ˜ 

  33. T.A.G says:

    Heck no I ainโ€™t reading nothin

  34. Ashley Davis says:

    I attended this taping today! These guys are hilarious ๐Ÿ˜‚ I love their energy… same energy in person ๐Ÿฅฐ

  35. Dante Ferrise says:

    FUTURE IS THE NEW ODB

  36. TheCandymusiclover says:

    Noname's Book Club is amazing though! She has some great picks!

  37. that bitch says:

    Desus got thickums.. Love it! ๐Ÿ˜

  38. Sela Lewis says:

    Peggy on Mad Men was from Riverdale. Her character once said, โ€œIโ€™m from Riverdale. We have manners.โ€ ๐Ÿ˜

  39. Winslow ThaDragon says:

    I love hot goss with Julia.

  40. Victor Crespo says:

    Lol my man brought up captain underpants

  41. Baetoul K says:

    why is desus acting like he doesn't read lmaooo he did a talk for the bronx library center! and his mom was a librarian i believe

  42. Anica Latrice says:

    Desus is lowkey dressed like he's about to go apple picking, for the first time, with his 3yo kid.

  43. Chris McAllister says:

    "Read a mother fuckin book, dawg" – Mero

  44. B Simms says:

    I'm here for the Envy smoke.

  45. Andre Bishop says:

    "Clown Russ, Yo it's erotic?" Julia gettin hooder every ep

  46. ryan veira says:

    Has desus never worn plaid? Lol

  47. Bunmi Sol says:

    That white ladys โ€œoh yeahโ€ kills me

  48. Fat Munch says:

    Yall got Alex from charlamagne

  49. abraham_star SenseiJester says:

    Where can I get that drink that Mero is always having? I'm in Canada, B.C

  50. Rodk Vic says:

    The big kid cudi teeth ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  51. VRBL !NSLT says:

    YERRRRRRRRRRRโœŒ

  52. Junior says:

    Dj envy as the lion โšฐ๏ธ

  53. Laura H says:

    Future uuufff that man is disgusting. Who have sex unprotected this days. The stds/diseases his passing around eeewww

  54. Sierra Morales says:

    Tin man is Pio

  55. valdeaunia says:

    The title of the next ๐ŸŽจ definitely gonna be "Three Women" ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ

  56. Joey D says:

    BODEGA BOOK CLUB STAND UP

  57. Fro Do says:

    Love that mero always has a story โ€œI was mad highโ€ then a fucking classic story. You guys need to have Joey Diaz on the show

  58. Flynn Nickens says:

    Whole time she sounds like that chick Kevin Gates be talking to.

  59. Ayesha Go. says:

    The child is named Legend Ary, that's def Future's kid ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  60. Tori Uptown says:

    can the girl asking questions be a Black girl or Yesenia from the Bronx?

  61. A C says:

    Lion would be Fat Joe

  62. Jessica Checchia says:

    "I hope y'all all fall down the joker stairs" – I fucking love Desus! Julia asking if was a librarian was ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚

  63. Kayyy ony says:

    Loool I love mero ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  64. NEFrettiti M says:

    ๐Ÿ“šRead a Book๐Ÿ“š

  65. Kayyy ony says:

    Am I the only one who feels like desus is a lil off ?.. he looks sad or something. Lol …. hes not laughing .. taking shit serious .. idunno

  66. NEFrettiti M says:

    ๐Ÿ˜ฑYo, THAT was just the WARM-UP๐Ÿ˜ฑ

  67. nicole lawrence says:

    "They don't salt the stairs? Maybe now they will"

    That girl is so optimistic. ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

  68. jas saj says:

    I always wondered at what age it is that dominican men go from hot boys to uncles in sandals at the bbq. I don't know how old Mero is, but that's the age

  69. Random Works says:

    Captain Underpants was my go to as a kid

  70. Stephanie Donato says:

    Mero has to read Three Women because Heather is reading it. AND he has to give us a book review.

  71. Astro Jonny says:

    did she really say"how white goss" hahahaha

  72. Kr Gr says:

    I don't know what's more shocking, Desus the librarian or grill hygiene for self care.

  73. dannylondondp says:

    "Move your backpack!!!" Lol

  74. Christopher Michael says:

    I liked it before I even watched it.

  75. Dotte Leid says:

    Shootouts to Rich Dad Poor Dad. Salute

  76. q perry says:

    Future kids do sound like a track list๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  77. cobwashington says:

    Yo, that book just got so many more readers!!

  78. DanYiel Teflon says:

    Lol Iโ€™m dying!!โœŒ๐Ÿฝ๐Ÿ˜‚

  79. William Santos says:

    Yankees hat walk of shame

  80. Sharon J says:

    Who is the woman asking questions? Kind of annoying.

  81. Allan Lorde says:

    The Three Women shit was fire. Thanks, I needed that.

  82. BroCharlesnm says:

    Reading is fundamental

  83. Imani Martin says:

    Lmao I love when Desus and Mero talk about their past life. However whomever is the young lady asking them questions, can they get someone else to do it? Definitely not feeling her new "white gossip segment" or the fact she said "its not white gossip" as though it's disappointing. Gossip is gossip and her voice can be annoying at times.

  84. NoahBility says:

    As Someone Who Lives In Riverdale…This Is Accurate
    But Riverdale IS The Bronx, Fam
    Can't Separate The Two Cause It's Sandwiched Between Two Hoods

  85. Shanice Sweetsmile says:

    Unionizing Lmfaoooooooo

  86. Shanice Sweetsmile says:

    Legend Airy ๐Ÿ˜ญ thatโ€™s his kid ๐Ÿ’€

  87. K Jeezy says:

    Get desus and mero on drink champs ๐Ÿ˜‚

  88. King C.O.D says:

    I'll admit. Half the shit they say is kinda funny. Mostly 2 homies just being real and corny… Or real corny. Either way. Props for havin a platform to goof around!

  89. M. Bingham says:

    you can't be reading that shit is wack

  90. geekgirrrl says:

    The Wiz remake hellz Yeaz

  91. Terilynn Cotton says:

    If they start a Book Club I'm joining

  92. ghanaian princess says:

    Desus is fine af.

  93. Invisible mirror says:

    DJ enveys wife is a whore ….just want to throw that out there..

  94. Mangu says:

    If your mouth smells like a Coinstar ๐Ÿ˜‚

  95. RAS BKLion says:

    I was a page at SIBL back in the day too!

  96. Tabs T says:

    What is this Vlad TV? Get asked questions from someone off camera.

  97. Anderson Ash says:

    The Idea Of Bronx Youths with Grills Throwing Wet Paper towels at each other is damn near adorable. Like in Zoolander when they had that gasoline fight.

  98. TEEN GIRL SEXY 2020 CLIP HOT XXX says:

    1 like = god will forgive us ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ‡๐Ÿ‰๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’–
    Yang milih allah like 800 ya yang milih dajal abaikan saja ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿ’›
    23:20
    55:01

  99. THFAMOUSONE says:

    Gotta catch up to yall, I fell off after viceland

  100. DanOnTheBeat says:

    Mero gucci impersonation sound more like cardi b

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